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[That's exactly why. Bartender. And like he said, bringing the Kichou thing up with Klaus would be so much fucking worse.]
You don't know her. And she doesn't know me anymore. Not really. But she was with me through Klaus walking away. She was with me when almost everyone else stood against us. She protected me through anything. I never took it for granted. I guess I told you about her. But again, it's not her. A different version of her. She doesn't remember any of it. She's still the same core. Same personality, same values, same stubbornness. It's so hard, because I planned out ways to deal with Klaus if they forgot me, but not her.
Maybe it's guilt. She was suffering. So I was trying to do things that were too dangerous. She's the only one of her kind here, because of it. She's okay with being dead here, but I don't know how to handle it. But worse than that, I don't want her to get hurt as much as last time. Maybe I should walk away too?
I never ever ever stop someone from walking away. I'm just trying not to literally kick people out of my life out of my own paranoia and force of habit. I don't underestimate anyone either, but she just isn't letting me be my normal self, she's being so damn judgmental, it's almost like a teenage rebellion phase where she's determined to prove I don't know her, but at the same time, make me the villain I pretend to be, and it's a fucking head trip, because she's the main damn reason I never reverted back to that.
I know what's different, short of everything, especially the circumstances. She's not going out of her mind trying to get her freedom. She's not looking for a military commander again (she's the only ex-military I've met here so far), or protection from pirates or others, and she's just trying to figure out how to handle being dead. But she's also overly reckless and "out of sector" as her area would say. Her answer to being challenged physically is to just shoot and vaporize whoever gets in her way, and gee, I wonder why I would try to pre-empt that. That's sarcasm. She's brilliant, and kind, and I'm not trying to save her, but I don't want the imps shot just for being idiots. And she's better than that. She doesn't know it yet, but she is.
She's trying to treat me like one of her drinking friends, but then when I try to lean into it, she cuts me at the knees to prevent it. I don't mind her not treating me like before, that's natural, and frankly, I've never liked how Hideyoshi acts like a monkey on my back, and she's 1 for 1 of Hideyoshi's personality and diligence. But she also isn't giving me any TIME to get to know me, she's just making snap judgements again even though it's incredibly flawed. She won't let me help, but she also has no idea how much it pains me to watch her to run into barbed wire traps while thinking, "Damn I could have pointed that out, I should have pointed that out." <- metaphor I could list literal example, but I don't want to embarrass her, she'd be pissed enough that I'm not keeping this all to myself as she would.
I have never had a fight with her on the ship before, because she viewed me too much as her commander, and she was more than willing to kill gods to help me. Looking at it, maybe that was all fucked up too? I guess it definitely was if I went out of my way to experiment with forces I knew could destroy universes and timelines, but I don't know what to do. I want her to be happy. That doesn't mean knowing me or anything else. I also hate her thinking the worst of me just because I can't literally show her what I mean and prove everything I say, and I've always tried to when it comes to her.
Any little thing I say sets her off now. Meanwhile, I just don't want her to break either. Because she's better than that. And when she's in danger, she just -- it's military. When I hit a wall I just destroy it. No time to go around, and any path I tread first is one I expect my men to follow so I'm not leaving dangers for them behind.
She expects me to be like her friends, but I'm not. How can I be? I'm separated by so much time and space. I can't fill that gap for her, even if I tried my damnedest. I can't even be a commander for her, because I don't have that background. I asked her to be open to new things, new ideas, and that made her shut down and basically say we should probably not even talk. Yes, there's more to it. I tried to tell her I don't want to fight with her about values and freedom, and she's blatantly told me repeatedly I do not, in fact, care about freedom. It's a mess.
I really miss just being myself. And not having that rejected. Before she was the only one to do that, because even Klaus walked away. And yes, I'm glad they're here. And no, I'm not trying to make her "get it." No one's ever fully "understood" me, and I now question if she ever did on the ship or like Hideyoshi, just didn't push back, and of the two options, I'd rather she did push back.
I still wish she just let me be me and saw it for who I am really, not just trying to expect me to be like those who had her culture and mores. I don't. I can't. And that's not a bad thing, so why can't I say it in a way she'll get?
Maybe it can't be. If she doesn't want to get it, she certainly won't, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Funny thing is, I never stopped fighting with Kichou. Nothing about us made sense. Even same culture, same background, we still couldn't be more different. But when it counted, he never failed me until he did. I feel like I'm the one who failed Tayrey, and I can't fix it. I knew not to do something so dangerous, but I did it anyway. This is just the price.
At least when Klaus and I separated (or whatever) I could figure out why it all went wrong, and fix it all.
With Tayrey I can't. It's too tangled. Everything's wrong, nothing's wrong. It's me, it's not me. It's every little thing, it's nothing. Something I didn't say, things I did say.
I forget if I told you Klaus had tattoos on their palms: Hello Goodbye. Their cult all did it too, because cults are like that. So I got Yes and No on the top of my hands, because I'm not like the cult, and I never will be. Song reference. It's all like that with her right now. She's trying too. She's the best. She just sets these standards she wants others to meet, and when people fail her, she thinks it's because they're unworthy. It's a terrible way to deal with people in places like this when you can't separate people's character from their background. And she isn't.
I think that's the other thing. She is treating everyone individually, yes -- the main fight was about this -- but she's not seeing where people's circumstances change anything.
Do me a favor, start looking up mocktails. Drinks with non-alcohol. I'll be bouncer with Noi. My independence doesn't mean as much to me anymore, but Klaus' sobriety still does. And I'm still going to make Hell a whole lot bigger and more.
[It's the kind of text he can't really take manning the bar. So, he waves someone down, makes a vague excuse of, "Got some business to take care of.", and makes his way to one of the backrooms to really take it all in.]
[Forgetting. Forgetting, and he knows how much that stings.]
i hate to say it but there's no such thing as no such thing. this just proves my point. she's not the version of her you know. not from the time you remember. this place really doesnt like to play fair does it
have you tried to explain it? not the way you usually do. i mean actually explain it. that youre from a different time. a time where you knew one another. it may take her a while but we've got that dont we? not like we're going anywhere anytime soon unless our friends running the place finally get their shit together and
[He pauses, nips his lip, then continues.]
you want her to be happy. but one thing i've learned here nobunaga? you gotta ask em what they want. what they really want. you can't assume because it'll bite you in the ass. let her tell you what she wants out of you. what shes looking for. choice remember? everyones got their choices. and everyone wants something. if she's anything like you i doubt she'd lie about that huh?
that's the thing. people are always gunna have the wrong idea at first. but theres more to you than that isnt there. all this army talk, all this conquering bullshit, all this grand planning of yours. somehow i doubt thats everything. but thats yours to keep. secrets friend. everyones got them
right wrong. good bad. at the end of the day people put a hierarchy on things. never got that either. still might be worth it, least for you, to hear her out. give her the chance to get it out of her system whatever it is. then for once and dont take this personally. do a little listening on your end
sure. i can do that. and dont even bother calling it a favor. an equivalent exchange. for you working here. and i'll make sure that partner of yours is taken care of. but before you get any stupid ideas, not like that.
yeah i'm sure you are. got that crazy fucking notion in your head and nothing anyone says is gunna stop you huh. ha ! thats one thing i'll give you oda. i do admire that ambition of yours
bring her by sometime. and maybe avoid the whole fight night thing. ive got a couple of rooms in the back that are a little more private than the rest of the place. just come find me and i'll give you a key.
[Fuck it, he switches to video and laughs lightly.] Yeah. I tried when I first met her. She handled it even more poorly than I expected, and I did not expect it to go well.
No look, she's... Different. She's not from any world similar to Earth at all. I don't ever bother pretending that stuff with her, because not only would she not get it, she would just shut me down, and straight away shoot me.
[Another laugh and he runs a hand through his hair.] I met her the night Crichton died. Sonnuva bitch, he was the first person I met there, and thus, the first American, and he's an astronaut, space explorer. And he never treated me like -- [Shrug.] Like anything. Just me as me, whatever that meant. No one's ever done that before. Not even Klaus. He asked me to protect him from enemies from afar, and I took it really seriously, because he was living the life I wanted and couldn't have, and I've had assassins and ninjas after me my whole life. But when it came down to it, he died and he didn't even call me for help. He's always like that. Tayrey I met that night, first time I tried absinthe, the works. She's military too, and just like my right hand in personality so everything was just good timing.
A couple weeks later is when I was playing with Siffleur. Werecougar, cannibal, friend. I wanted to see what happens when you die on the ship, how the body retrieval worked. If it used wormholes, or possibly nuero-transplants. Spare bodies, or time itself. Testing a theory on the place itself being wholly artificial. So if you get completely eaten and digested, then it can't be easily repaired, even Space force style phasers. Tayrey was... devastated. A lot like Hideyoshi. So I promised not to keep doing it.
Thing is, she doesn't know what she's looking for here. She's an astrogator. Her favorite things are the same, but she's --
Listen, I would never try to take away her freedom. Especially her. Things are weird now, because our situation's different. But to deal with me, and that I'm the only one who knows things about her life, she's treating me like an equal tradeliner -- one of her army. That's a vast difference. The Tayrey I know looked at me as her commanding officer. This is better, don't get me wrong. But I'm not a Tradeliner. I've seen some of her normal experiences, but it's not my normal. She's never seen my Hell, and I can help here only so much, but for the most part, we're just more different than ever.
She keeps expecting me to do the same thing her friends would, and then when I try, I get it wrong.
I tried to tell her how big Earth is, and she blanked out, it was huge, more than she was expecting. Then I tried to tell her about swarm theory and why Earth can use its numbers to its advantages, and she got upset because she thought I was saying humans are insects that need to be controlled and that they don't think, and don't have free will, and lectured me on freedom. [Gently bangs his head against a wall.] I've tried to ask what she wants to do here or beyond, and she shuts down because there is no beyond for her, and whenever I try to encourage her thinking there could be, again; shuts down. And I KNOW I'm overly worried about the past, a different Tayrey who isn't HERE, worried about her breaking because -- reasons. But I can't even -- [DEEP BREATH.] Help her navigate the pitfalls because she's as bad as Oichi with just [Falsetto voice:] "Let me fight too, big brother!" You're five, Oichi. I'm not underestimating you by asking you not to fight, I just can't also treat you the same as a soldier who's got another decade of experience over even my head!
And I did a TON of listening. I'm just not being heard, and I don't know what to say it or how to fix it. If it can be. I asked her to come for drinks but she shot me down hard, because "our values are just too different." She doesn't think I value freedom, which would be BIG NEWS to my family who fucking disowned me over it. She thinks I don't value humanity despite again, my problem being that I wanted to elevate humans over gods because they're real, she's not trying to see the commonalities, so the differences are just glaring to her, and she's not open to figuring me out and I am trying to be comprehensible... [GRRRRRR. GRRRRRRRRRRR....]
And the thing that's just getting to me in the heart, [Fist over heart.] is she just wants to shoot everyone and be done with it. Only after they initiate aggression. Okay, fine, but maybe she's right that we're too opposite? Because she's always just been able to shoot pirates from a distance, not ONCE see them up close and personal, have to talk to them and convince them to change, so she doesn't think they can. OH AND she thinks it's WAY more monstrous to stab someone and let them live after that. And maybe she's right, because I sure as fuck prefer to torture idiots into changing their ways. That's not even phrasing, that's jsut facts.
She's not even trying to understand me and Noi and why we'll disarm the imps or beat them silly, but killing is last resort. And she's fucking better than this. She just doesn't know it yet, and if she doesn't try, she never will be. And how the hell is she going to tell me she values freedom higher than me, if she just kills anyone who she deems a problem? Dead people aren't free, Tayrey, they just stop being your problem and they're someone else's instead.
Yeah, don't worry, I knew what you meant. I can get jealous over Klaus, but -- [Light grin.] Not often. He had a whole cult, after all. He needs all the friends he can get and -- [Holds up the hand with his wedding ring, for now the kote gauntlets are off.] I've mentioned you a lot, only fair given the vice versa, yeah? Equal exchange. Still gotta tell him about our tango. [Laughs. FOR REAL this time, not the over the top raucous he has with Noi, just light-hearted, like loving life.] That'll go well. When BJ was a car, he was making a million kinds of jokes I knew Klaus could respond to better than me, but I decided it would be a good idea to tell Klaus about it as "I went for a ride in someone." I think that face is going to be etched into my soul forever. I've never seen Klaus lose his cool like that. Definitely made me certain that yeah, I was right about them. All their trying to push me away was for them, not me. [But he's happy! A little blushy, but happy.]
But I like fighting. And Noi and I want to see who's stronger. I should rephrase that, she already beat me in arm wrestling. I wanted to show her how I use being smaller to my advantage in a real fight. Besides, she regenerates, she'll be fine. And she's like Tayrey, she'd give me so much shit if I said, "Oh you're a woman though, I can't go all out on a woman." [Chinhands.] Actually that is definitely something I didn't tell Tayrey here. I didn't know how. I did on the ship because Oichi came up and it was a lot to explain. I tried to have women allowed in my army at home. Kichou wanted an all female gunner division. Well, his twin sister was sort of my fiance, so he loves guns, and that women are a lot closer to being equals because of them. And we both thought it would be a good way to undermine female ninjas. They have a sort of monopoly on women fighters, because I can make any man a samurai. [Annoyed frown.] But even one woman would be pushing it too far for my time. [HUFF!!! And waves a hand.]
Maybe it doesn't matter here? I mean... it definitely doesn't matter here, I just mean, maybe it doesn't matter for her to know. Fuck, I don't even remember -- wait yes I do. I was going to say I don't remember why she and I started discussing values in the first place. It was because of the circumstances thing. I didn't want her to just shoot everyone without getting to know their circumstances, motivations, reasons. Still don't.
If I bring an offering to Kamora, will it help with Fight Night? Noi likes her, she's just... [Laughs.] That's her way of showing it. Another thing I can't possible explain to any Tradeliner no matter who they are.
[Somewhere between heading to the back room and Nobunaga's unexpected video call, the Sin's weighed his options and decided that the roof is a better place to have this conversation. It's out of the way (from prying eyes and ears) and not suspicious enough that someone might come looking for him. He smokes up here sometimes. It's just part of his routine.]
[So, when his connection starts, he's got the phone in one hand while his others occupy themselves with the iron ladder leading up to the top of the 'Nest.]
I've told you before, friend. You really have a bad way with words. [The Sin's feet clack rung after rung as he climbs.] How you say things sometimes - it's gunna give people the wrong idea. Of course she got pissed at you. You told her that humans were basically the same thing as bugs. You get that, right?
[There's no venom to his words. Hell, there isn't even a hint. He's just getting straight to it. Cut out the middle man here, there's no point in sugar-coating it.]
[Greed gets to the top and swings one of his legs over the ledge.] You could have said anything else. Like how humans have that drive in them. How they have that ambition to go above and beyond, even when the odds are stacked against them. They went, what, off their world you said? [A subject that's beyond him, so he skips right on through, gliding across the roof like he has it mapped out already in his mind.] It's just like when you were talking about an army. How many came crawling out of the woodwork, thinking they had to put a brat like you in his place?
[The Sin grabs a pack of cigarettes from his vest, as well as a match.] You can't expect her, this version of her who doesn't understand you, to get it. She isn't going to. So, you have to be a little more careful. Can you do that?
[Part of him doubts it. But it's not fair to rush to conclusions.]
[Greed strikes the match along his wrist, bringing a glimmer of red-hot orange to the scene, before inhaling on the cigarette. He shakes the match out.] If she breaks, she breaks. Let her figure it out on her own. But the moment she does, be there for her. Be someone she can rely on. [Funny words coming from a guy who's fucked up more times than he can count. He's looking to fix that.] And I mean it. When something here gets under her skin - [Or worse, he doesn't say.] - make sure you're there to pick up the pieces.
[Seras taught him that not once, but twice. Velvet taught him that. Be there. Be there when the shit really hits the fan.]
Then she doesn't know the cost yet. What it means when they can't come back. [The Sin's walking, following the line of the roof with a low-burning smoke and a gaze a million miles away.] You should explain it to her. But without your usual, long-winded bullshit. Keep it simple, but don't skim over the details.
[When he smiles, it's back to the right of things. To the usual. The Sin shows his teeth around his cigarette, sucking down strings of smoke that lodge and twist around his teeth.]
Good, because that's Envy, not me. [A crackle of heated ash spits close to his face, then blinks out.] And it's equivalent exchange, but eh. Close enough.
[Thinking about Beetlejuice as a car makes him laugh, though a bit subdued. It coughs of him like a cloud.] Good, then maybe you can focus on them instead of causing a fucking mess wherever you go, brat. [How he says it, though: there's something fond to the nickname, even if it does bite on the tips of his teeth.]
[Greed limply waves his hand.] Yeah, well, she's gunna have a hell of time around here if she thinks I'll fight a woman. [Yeah, that's another one of his rules.] Doesn't matter.
And she shouldn't. I told you, guns are easy. Too easy. She might end up regretting it one day. Make sure she never gets there. [A beat of red shines in his eyes, outlining the points of them like a low-burning fire, fingering through a grate.] That's going to be your main job, Oda. Remember what I said: I do take care of my own. Suppose you and I should start doing that a bit more, shouldn't we.
[When he plucks his cigarette from his jaws, he does it with a bark.] Ha - ! Trying to bribe Kam, now? You little shit. [His grin is fierce and demanding. An appreciation for Nobunaga's boldness, no doubt.] I'm sure it wouldn't hurt, but don't expect Kamora to warm up to you just because you brought her the good stuff. She's a cat, Oda. She does whatever the hell she wants.
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You don't know her. And she doesn't know me anymore. Not really. But she was with me through Klaus walking away. She was with me when almost everyone else stood against us. She protected me through anything. I never took it for granted. I guess I told you about her. But again, it's not her. A different version of her. She doesn't remember any of it. She's still the same core. Same personality, same values, same stubbornness. It's so hard, because I planned out ways to deal with Klaus if they forgot me, but not her.
Maybe it's guilt. She was suffering. So I was trying to do things that were too dangerous. She's the only one of her kind here, because of it. She's okay with being dead here, but I don't know how to handle it. But worse than that, I don't want her to get hurt as much as last time. Maybe I should walk away too?
I never ever ever stop someone from walking away. I'm just trying not to literally kick people out of my life out of my own paranoia and force of habit. I don't underestimate anyone either, but she just isn't letting me be my normal self, she's being so damn judgmental, it's almost like a teenage rebellion phase where she's determined to prove I don't know her, but at the same time, make me the villain I pretend to be, and it's a fucking head trip, because she's the main damn reason I never reverted back to that.
I know what's different, short of everything, especially the circumstances. She's not going out of her mind trying to get her freedom. She's not looking for a military commander again (she's the only ex-military I've met here so far), or protection from pirates or others, and she's just trying to figure out how to handle being dead. But she's also overly reckless and "out of sector" as her area would say. Her answer to being challenged physically is to just shoot and vaporize whoever gets in her way, and gee, I wonder why I would try to pre-empt that. That's sarcasm. She's brilliant, and kind, and I'm not trying to save her, but I don't want the imps shot just for being idiots. And she's better than that. She doesn't know it yet, but she is.
She's trying to treat me like one of her drinking friends, but then when I try to lean into it, she cuts me at the knees to prevent it. I don't mind her not treating me like before, that's natural, and frankly, I've never liked how Hideyoshi acts like a monkey on my back, and she's 1 for 1 of Hideyoshi's personality and diligence. But she also isn't giving me any TIME to get to know me, she's just making snap judgements again even though it's incredibly flawed. She won't let me help, but she also has no idea how much it pains me to watch her to run into barbed wire traps while thinking, "Damn I could have pointed that out, I should have pointed that out." <- metaphor I could list literal example, but I don't want to embarrass her, she'd be pissed enough that I'm not keeping this all to myself as she would.
I have never had a fight with her on the ship before, because she viewed me too much as her commander, and she was more than willing to kill gods to help me. Looking at it, maybe that was all fucked up too? I guess it definitely was if I went out of my way to experiment with forces I knew could destroy universes and timelines, but I don't know what to do. I want her to be happy. That doesn't mean knowing me or anything else. I also hate her thinking the worst of me just because I can't literally show her what I mean and prove everything I say, and I've always tried to when it comes to her.
Any little thing I say sets her off now. Meanwhile, I just don't want her to break either. Because she's better than that. And when she's in danger, she just -- it's military. When I hit a wall I just destroy it. No time to go around, and any path I tread first is one I expect my men to follow so I'm not leaving dangers for them behind.
She expects me to be like her friends, but I'm not. How can I be? I'm separated by so much time and space. I can't fill that gap for her, even if I tried my damnedest. I can't even be a commander for her, because I don't have that background. I asked her to be open to new things, new ideas, and that made her shut down and basically say we should probably not even talk. Yes, there's more to it. I tried to tell her I don't want to fight with her about values and freedom, and she's blatantly told me repeatedly I do not, in fact, care about freedom. It's a mess.
I really miss just being myself. And not having that rejected. Before she was the only one to do that, because even Klaus walked away. And yes, I'm glad they're here. And no, I'm not trying to make her "get it." No one's ever fully "understood" me, and I now question if she ever did on the ship or like Hideyoshi, just didn't push back, and of the two options, I'd rather she did push back.
I still wish she just let me be me and saw it for who I am really, not just trying to expect me to be like those who had her culture and mores. I don't. I can't. And that's not a bad thing, so why can't I say it in a way she'll get?
Maybe it can't be. If she doesn't want to get it, she certainly won't, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Funny thing is, I never stopped fighting with Kichou. Nothing about us made sense. Even same culture, same background, we still couldn't be more different. But when it counted, he never failed me until he did. I feel like I'm the one who failed Tayrey, and I can't fix it. I knew not to do something so dangerous, but I did it anyway. This is just the price.
At least when Klaus and I separated (or whatever) I could figure out why it all went wrong, and fix it all.
With Tayrey I can't. It's too tangled. Everything's wrong, nothing's wrong. It's me, it's not me. It's every little thing, it's nothing. Something I didn't say, things I did say.
I forget if I told you Klaus had tattoos on their palms: Hello Goodbye. Their cult all did it too, because cults are like that. So I got Yes and No on the top of my hands, because I'm not like the cult, and I never will be. Song reference. It's all like that with her right now. She's trying too. She's the best. She just sets these standards she wants others to meet, and when people fail her, she thinks it's because they're unworthy. It's a terrible way to deal with people in places like this when you can't separate people's character from their background. And she isn't.
I think that's the other thing. She is treating everyone individually, yes -- the main fight was about this -- but she's not seeing where people's circumstances change anything.
Do me a favor, start looking up mocktails. Drinks with non-alcohol. I'll be bouncer with Noi. My independence doesn't mean as much to me anymore, but Klaus' sobriety still does. And I'm still going to make Hell a whole lot bigger and more.
no subject
[Forgetting. Forgetting, and he knows how much that stings.]
i hate to say it but there's no such thing as no such thing. this just proves my point. she's not the version of her you know. not from the time you remember. this place really doesnt like to play fair does it
have you tried to explain it? not the way you usually do. i mean actually explain it. that youre from a different time. a time where you knew one another. it may take her a while but we've got that dont we? not like we're going anywhere anytime soon unless our friends running the place finally get their shit together and
[He pauses, nips his lip, then continues.]
you want her to be happy. but one thing i've learned here nobunaga? you gotta ask em what they want. what they really want. you can't assume because it'll bite you in the ass. let her tell you what she wants out of you. what shes looking for. choice remember? everyones got their choices. and everyone wants something. if she's anything like you i doubt she'd lie about that huh?
that's the thing. people are always gunna have the wrong idea at first. but theres more to you than that isnt there. all this army talk, all this conquering bullshit, all this grand planning of yours. somehow i doubt thats everything. but thats yours to keep. secrets friend. everyones got them
right wrong. good bad. at the end of the day people put a hierarchy on things. never got that either. still might be worth it, least for you, to hear her out. give her the chance to get it out of her system whatever it is. then for once and dont take this personally. do a little listening on your end
sure. i can do that. and dont even bother calling it a favor. an equivalent exchange. for you working here. and i'll make sure that partner of yours is taken care of. but before you get any stupid ideas, not like that.
yeah i'm sure you are. got that crazy fucking notion in your head and nothing anyone says is gunna stop you huh. ha ! thats one thing i'll give you oda. i do admire that ambition of yours
bring her by sometime. and maybe avoid the whole fight night thing. ive got a couple of rooms in the back that are a little more private than the rest of the place. just come find me and i'll give you a key.
1/2
No look, she's... Different. She's not from any world similar to Earth at all. I don't ever bother pretending that stuff with her, because not only would she not get it, she would just shut me down, and straight away shoot me.
[Another laugh and he runs a hand through his hair.] I met her the night Crichton died. Sonnuva bitch, he was the first person I met there, and thus, the first American, and he's an astronaut, space explorer. And he never treated me like -- [Shrug.] Like anything. Just me as me, whatever that meant. No one's ever done that before. Not even Klaus. He asked me to protect him from enemies from afar, and I took it really seriously, because he was living the life I wanted and couldn't have, and I've had assassins and ninjas after me my whole life. But when it came down to it, he died and he didn't even call me for help. He's always like that. Tayrey I met that night, first time I tried absinthe, the works. She's military too, and just like my right hand in personality so everything was just good timing.
A couple weeks later is when I was playing with Siffleur. Werecougar, cannibal, friend. I wanted to see what happens when you die on the ship, how the body retrieval worked. If it used wormholes, or possibly nuero-transplants. Spare bodies, or time itself. Testing a theory on the place itself being wholly artificial. So if you get completely eaten and digested, then it can't be easily repaired, even Space force style phasers. Tayrey was... devastated. A lot like Hideyoshi. So I promised not to keep doing it.
Thing is, she doesn't know what she's looking for here. She's an astrogator. Her favorite things are the same, but she's --
Listen, I would never try to take away her freedom. Especially her. Things are weird now, because our situation's different. But to deal with me, and that I'm the only one who knows things about her life, she's treating me like an equal tradeliner -- one of her army. That's a vast difference. The Tayrey I know looked at me as her commanding officer. This is better, don't get me wrong. But I'm not a Tradeliner. I've seen some of her normal experiences, but it's not my normal. She's never seen my Hell, and I can help here only so much, but for the most part, we're just more different than ever.
She keeps expecting me to do the same thing her friends would, and then when I try, I get it wrong.
I tried to tell her how big Earth is, and she blanked out, it was huge, more than she was expecting. Then I tried to tell her about swarm theory and why Earth can use its numbers to its advantages, and she got upset because she thought I was saying humans are insects that need to be controlled and that they don't think, and don't have free will, and lectured me on freedom. [Gently bangs his head against a wall.] I've tried to ask what she wants to do here or beyond, and she shuts down because there is no beyond for her, and whenever I try to encourage her thinking there could be, again; shuts down. And I KNOW I'm overly worried about the past, a different Tayrey who isn't HERE, worried about her breaking because -- reasons. But I can't even -- [DEEP BREATH.] Help her navigate the pitfalls because she's as bad as Oichi with just [Falsetto voice:] "Let me fight too, big brother!" You're five, Oichi. I'm not underestimating you by asking you not to fight, I just can't also treat you the same as a soldier who's got another decade of experience over even my head!
And I did a TON of listening. I'm just not being heard, and I don't know what to say it or how to fix it. If it can be. I asked her to come for drinks but she shot me down hard, because "our values are just too different." She doesn't think I value freedom, which would be BIG NEWS to my family who fucking disowned me over it. She thinks I don't value humanity despite again, my problem being that I wanted to elevate humans over gods because they're real, she's not trying to see the commonalities, so the differences are just glaring to her, and she's not open to figuring me out and I am trying to be comprehensible... [GRRRRRR. GRRRRRRRRRRR....]
And the thing that's just getting to me in the heart, [Fist over heart.] is she just wants to shoot everyone and be done with it. Only after they initiate aggression. Okay, fine, but maybe she's right that we're too opposite? Because she's always just been able to shoot pirates from a distance, not ONCE see them up close and personal, have to talk to them and convince them to change, so she doesn't think they can. OH AND she thinks it's WAY more monstrous to stab someone and let them live after that. And maybe she's right, because I sure as fuck prefer to torture idiots into changing their ways. That's not even phrasing, that's jsut facts.
She's not even trying to understand me and Noi and why we'll disarm the imps or beat them silly, but killing is last resort. And she's fucking better than this. She just doesn't know it yet, and if she doesn't try, she never will be. And how the hell is she going to tell me she values freedom higher than me, if she just kills anyone who she deems a problem? Dead people aren't free, Tayrey, they just stop being your problem and they're someone else's instead.
2/2
Yeah, don't worry, I knew what you meant. I can get jealous over Klaus, but -- [Light grin.] Not often. He had a whole cult, after all. He needs all the friends he can get and -- [Holds up the hand with his wedding ring, for now the kote gauntlets are off.] I've mentioned you a lot, only fair given the vice versa, yeah? Equal exchange. Still gotta tell him about our tango. [Laughs. FOR REAL this time, not the over the top raucous he has with Noi, just light-hearted, like loving life.] That'll go well. When BJ was a car, he was making a million kinds of jokes I knew Klaus could respond to better than me, but I decided it would be a good idea to tell Klaus about it as "I went for a ride in someone." I think that face is going to be etched into my soul forever. I've never seen Klaus lose his cool like that. Definitely made me certain that yeah, I was right about them. All their trying to push me away was for them, not me. [But he's happy! A little blushy, but happy.]
But I like fighting. And Noi and I want to see who's stronger. I should rephrase that, she already beat me in arm wrestling. I wanted to show her how I use being smaller to my advantage in a real fight. Besides, she regenerates, she'll be fine. And she's like Tayrey, she'd give me so much shit if I said, "Oh you're a woman though, I can't go all out on a woman." [Chinhands.] Actually that is definitely something I didn't tell Tayrey here. I didn't know how. I did on the ship because Oichi came up and it was a lot to explain. I tried to have women allowed in my army at home. Kichou wanted an all female gunner division. Well, his twin sister was sort of my fiance, so he loves guns, and that women are a lot closer to being equals because of them. And we both thought it would be a good way to undermine female ninjas. They have a sort of monopoly on women fighters, because I can make any man a samurai. [Annoyed frown.] But even one woman would be pushing it too far for my time. [HUFF!!! And waves a hand.]
Maybe it doesn't matter here? I mean... it definitely doesn't matter here, I just mean, maybe it doesn't matter for her to know. Fuck, I don't even remember -- wait yes I do. I was going to say I don't remember why she and I started discussing values in the first place. It was because of the circumstances thing. I didn't want her to just shoot everyone without getting to know their circumstances, motivations, reasons. Still don't.
If I bring an offering to Kamora, will it help with Fight Night? Noi likes her, she's just... [Laughs.] That's her way of showing it. Another thing I can't possible explain to any Tradeliner no matter who they are.
1/2
[So, when his connection starts, he's got the phone in one hand while his others occupy themselves with the iron ladder leading up to the top of the 'Nest.]
I've told you before, friend. You really have a bad way with words. [The Sin's feet clack rung after rung as he climbs.] How you say things sometimes - it's gunna give people the wrong idea. Of course she got pissed at you. You told her that humans were basically the same thing as bugs. You get that, right?
[There's no venom to his words. Hell, there isn't even a hint. He's just getting straight to it. Cut out the middle man here, there's no point in sugar-coating it.]
[Greed gets to the top and swings one of his legs over the ledge.] You could have said anything else. Like how humans have that drive in them. How they have that ambition to go above and beyond, even when the odds are stacked against them. They went, what, off their world you said? [A subject that's beyond him, so he skips right on through, gliding across the roof like he has it mapped out already in his mind.] It's just like when you were talking about an army. How many came crawling out of the woodwork, thinking they had to put a brat like you in his place?
[The Sin grabs a pack of cigarettes from his vest, as well as a match.] You can't expect her, this version of her who doesn't understand you, to get it. She isn't going to. So, you have to be a little more careful. Can you do that?
[Part of him doubts it. But it's not fair to rush to conclusions.]
[Greed strikes the match along his wrist, bringing a glimmer of red-hot orange to the scene, before inhaling on the cigarette. He shakes the match out.] If she breaks, she breaks. Let her figure it out on her own. But the moment she does, be there for her. Be someone she can rely on. [Funny words coming from a guy who's fucked up more times than he can count. He's looking to fix that.] And I mean it. When something here gets under her skin - [Or worse, he doesn't say.] - make sure you're there to pick up the pieces.
[Seras taught him that not once, but twice. Velvet taught him that. Be there. Be there when the shit really hits the fan.]
Then she doesn't know the cost yet. What it means when they can't come back. [The Sin's walking, following the line of the roof with a low-burning smoke and a gaze a million miles away.] You should explain it to her. But without your usual, long-winded bullshit. Keep it simple, but don't skim over the details.
2/2
Good, because that's Envy, not me. [A crackle of heated ash spits close to his face, then blinks out.] And it's equivalent exchange, but eh. Close enough.
[Thinking about Beetlejuice as a car makes him laugh, though a bit subdued. It coughs of him like a cloud.] Good, then maybe you can focus on them instead of causing a fucking mess wherever you go, brat. [How he says it, though: there's something fond to the nickname, even if it does bite on the tips of his teeth.]
[Greed limply waves his hand.] Yeah, well, she's gunna have a hell of time around here if she thinks I'll fight a woman. [Yeah, that's another one of his rules.] Doesn't matter.
And she shouldn't. I told you, guns are easy. Too easy. She might end up regretting it one day. Make sure she never gets there. [A beat of red shines in his eyes, outlining the points of them like a low-burning fire, fingering through a grate.] That's going to be your main job, Oda. Remember what I said: I do take care of my own. Suppose you and I should start doing that a bit more, shouldn't we.
[When he plucks his cigarette from his jaws, he does it with a bark.] Ha - ! Trying to bribe Kam, now? You little shit. [His grin is fierce and demanding. An appreciation for Nobunaga's boldness, no doubt.] I'm sure it wouldn't hurt, but don't expect Kamora to warm up to you just because you brought her the good stuff. She's a cat, Oda. She does whatever the hell she wants.