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[Fuck it, he switches to video and laughs lightly.] Yeah. I tried when I first met her. She handled it even more poorly than I expected, and I did not expect it to go well.
No look, she's... Different. She's not from any world similar to Earth at all. I don't ever bother pretending that stuff with her, because not only would she not get it, she would just shut me down, and straight away shoot me.
[Another laugh and he runs a hand through his hair.] I met her the night Crichton died. Sonnuva bitch, he was the first person I met there, and thus, the first American, and he's an astronaut, space explorer. And he never treated me like -- [Shrug.] Like anything. Just me as me, whatever that meant. No one's ever done that before. Not even Klaus. He asked me to protect him from enemies from afar, and I took it really seriously, because he was living the life I wanted and couldn't have, and I've had assassins and ninjas after me my whole life. But when it came down to it, he died and he didn't even call me for help. He's always like that. Tayrey I met that night, first time I tried absinthe, the works. She's military too, and just like my right hand in personality so everything was just good timing.
A couple weeks later is when I was playing with Siffleur. Werecougar, cannibal, friend. I wanted to see what happens when you die on the ship, how the body retrieval worked. If it used wormholes, or possibly nuero-transplants. Spare bodies, or time itself. Testing a theory on the place itself being wholly artificial. So if you get completely eaten and digested, then it can't be easily repaired, even Space force style phasers. Tayrey was... devastated. A lot like Hideyoshi. So I promised not to keep doing it.
Thing is, she doesn't know what she's looking for here. She's an astrogator. Her favorite things are the same, but she's --
Listen, I would never try to take away her freedom. Especially her. Things are weird now, because our situation's different. But to deal with me, and that I'm the only one who knows things about her life, she's treating me like an equal tradeliner -- one of her army. That's a vast difference. The Tayrey I know looked at me as her commanding officer. This is better, don't get me wrong. But I'm not a Tradeliner. I've seen some of her normal experiences, but it's not my normal. She's never seen my Hell, and I can help here only so much, but for the most part, we're just more different than ever.
She keeps expecting me to do the same thing her friends would, and then when I try, I get it wrong.
I tried to tell her how big Earth is, and she blanked out, it was huge, more than she was expecting. Then I tried to tell her about swarm theory and why Earth can use its numbers to its advantages, and she got upset because she thought I was saying humans are insects that need to be controlled and that they don't think, and don't have free will, and lectured me on freedom. [Gently bangs his head against a wall.] I've tried to ask what she wants to do here or beyond, and she shuts down because there is no beyond for her, and whenever I try to encourage her thinking there could be, again; shuts down. And I KNOW I'm overly worried about the past, a different Tayrey who isn't HERE, worried about her breaking because -- reasons. But I can't even -- [DEEP BREATH.] Help her navigate the pitfalls because she's as bad as Oichi with just [Falsetto voice:] "Let me fight too, big brother!" You're five, Oichi. I'm not underestimating you by asking you not to fight, I just can't also treat you the same as a soldier who's got another decade of experience over even my head!
And I did a TON of listening. I'm just not being heard, and I don't know what to say it or how to fix it. If it can be. I asked her to come for drinks but she shot me down hard, because "our values are just too different." She doesn't think I value freedom, which would be BIG NEWS to my family who fucking disowned me over it. She thinks I don't value humanity despite again, my problem being that I wanted to elevate humans over gods because they're real, she's not trying to see the commonalities, so the differences are just glaring to her, and she's not open to figuring me out and I am trying to be comprehensible... [GRRRRRR. GRRRRRRRRRRR....]
And the thing that's just getting to me in the heart, [Fist over heart.] is she just wants to shoot everyone and be done with it. Only after they initiate aggression. Okay, fine, but maybe she's right that we're too opposite? Because she's always just been able to shoot pirates from a distance, not ONCE see them up close and personal, have to talk to them and convince them to change, so she doesn't think they can. OH AND she thinks it's WAY more monstrous to stab someone and let them live after that. And maybe she's right, because I sure as fuck prefer to torture idiots into changing their ways. That's not even phrasing, that's jsut facts.
She's not even trying to understand me and Noi and why we'll disarm the imps or beat them silly, but killing is last resort. And she's fucking better than this. She just doesn't know it yet, and if she doesn't try, she never will be. And how the hell is she going to tell me she values freedom higher than me, if she just kills anyone who she deems a problem? Dead people aren't free, Tayrey, they just stop being your problem and they're someone else's instead.
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1/2
No look, she's... Different. She's not from any world similar to Earth at all. I don't ever bother pretending that stuff with her, because not only would she not get it, she would just shut me down, and straight away shoot me.
[Another laugh and he runs a hand through his hair.] I met her the night Crichton died. Sonnuva bitch, he was the first person I met there, and thus, the first American, and he's an astronaut, space explorer. And he never treated me like -- [Shrug.] Like anything. Just me as me, whatever that meant. No one's ever done that before. Not even Klaus. He asked me to protect him from enemies from afar, and I took it really seriously, because he was living the life I wanted and couldn't have, and I've had assassins and ninjas after me my whole life. But when it came down to it, he died and he didn't even call me for help. He's always like that. Tayrey I met that night, first time I tried absinthe, the works. She's military too, and just like my right hand in personality so everything was just good timing.
A couple weeks later is when I was playing with Siffleur. Werecougar, cannibal, friend. I wanted to see what happens when you die on the ship, how the body retrieval worked. If it used wormholes, or possibly nuero-transplants. Spare bodies, or time itself. Testing a theory on the place itself being wholly artificial. So if you get completely eaten and digested, then it can't be easily repaired, even Space force style phasers. Tayrey was... devastated. A lot like Hideyoshi. So I promised not to keep doing it.
Thing is, she doesn't know what she's looking for here. She's an astrogator. Her favorite things are the same, but she's --
Listen, I would never try to take away her freedom. Especially her. Things are weird now, because our situation's different. But to deal with me, and that I'm the only one who knows things about her life, she's treating me like an equal tradeliner -- one of her army. That's a vast difference. The Tayrey I know looked at me as her commanding officer. This is better, don't get me wrong. But I'm not a Tradeliner. I've seen some of her normal experiences, but it's not my normal. She's never seen my Hell, and I can help here only so much, but for the most part, we're just more different than ever.
She keeps expecting me to do the same thing her friends would, and then when I try, I get it wrong.
I tried to tell her how big Earth is, and she blanked out, it was huge, more than she was expecting. Then I tried to tell her about swarm theory and why Earth can use its numbers to its advantages, and she got upset because she thought I was saying humans are insects that need to be controlled and that they don't think, and don't have free will, and lectured me on freedom. [Gently bangs his head against a wall.] I've tried to ask what she wants to do here or beyond, and she shuts down because there is no beyond for her, and whenever I try to encourage her thinking there could be, again; shuts down. And I KNOW I'm overly worried about the past, a different Tayrey who isn't HERE, worried about her breaking because -- reasons. But I can't even -- [DEEP BREATH.] Help her navigate the pitfalls because she's as bad as Oichi with just [Falsetto voice:] "Let me fight too, big brother!" You're five, Oichi. I'm not underestimating you by asking you not to fight, I just can't also treat you the same as a soldier who's got another decade of experience over even my head!
And I did a TON of listening. I'm just not being heard, and I don't know what to say it or how to fix it. If it can be. I asked her to come for drinks but she shot me down hard, because "our values are just too different." She doesn't think I value freedom, which would be BIG NEWS to my family who fucking disowned me over it. She thinks I don't value humanity despite again, my problem being that I wanted to elevate humans over gods because they're real, she's not trying to see the commonalities, so the differences are just glaring to her, and she's not open to figuring me out and I am trying to be comprehensible... [GRRRRRR. GRRRRRRRRRRR....]
And the thing that's just getting to me in the heart, [Fist over heart.] is she just wants to shoot everyone and be done with it. Only after they initiate aggression. Okay, fine, but maybe she's right that we're too opposite? Because she's always just been able to shoot pirates from a distance, not ONCE see them up close and personal, have to talk to them and convince them to change, so she doesn't think they can. OH AND she thinks it's WAY more monstrous to stab someone and let them live after that. And maybe she's right, because I sure as fuck prefer to torture idiots into changing their ways. That's not even phrasing, that's jsut facts.
She's not even trying to understand me and Noi and why we'll disarm the imps or beat them silly, but killing is last resort. And she's fucking better than this. She just doesn't know it yet, and if she doesn't try, she never will be. And how the hell is she going to tell me she values freedom higher than me, if she just kills anyone who she deems a problem? Dead people aren't free, Tayrey, they just stop being your problem and they're someone else's instead.