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Oh, I only kind of have organs! It's real weird in there. Everything is where it's supposed to be, though.
I wouldn't offer if I didn't intend to bring the good stuff! I just thought since I invaded the space the other day and might be doing it more later, I could bring something by.
I am quite sure. In any case, I do not care unless you are fighting in my Ring. Will you do that, Applesauce? Will you try to impress me? Or do you prefer a Shield?
Yes. Finest. And what would you have in return? The door is open. He leaves it open. They wander in and stay. That is how it is and I have learned there is nothing to stop it.
So, I will ask you once. What is it you want? He calls it an Equivalent Exchange. A law of alchemy.
If it is nothing, then you make your bed and sleep in it. And I will expect you to leave it at that.
A Lover Boy? How very quaint, Applesauce. Very quaint indeed. A shame. You would have brought in a crowd.
That is an easy deal. How very simple of you. So it shall be. You get one ask first. More once you deliver.
Which do you want to know? The things here? I can list them by the names they have chosen for themselves. They think I do not see or know what they do. Unfortunate for them. A bounty for you.
[Normal? She is just a cat, your honor. What harm could she possibly do?]
[A lot. Buckle up, fuckos.]
Perhaps I shall have to make one. A special occasion.
There are these patterns on him. They are called arrays. They are red and if you have not noticed them by now, you are either more dense than I realized or blind.
Two of his have discovered what they do when pushed a certain way. A dangerous thing, but they brought it upon themselves. They connect to directly to his Philosopher's Stone. Like a circuit. Do you know what happens when you overload a circuit? Tits sure did not.
["Please don't call me that" is the first thing he types out, but decides against it in the end, deleting it quickly before he accidentally sends it out. No need to risk pissing her off.]
...is that what you call Greed? [Knowing him, he probably gets a kick out of his nickname. What Paracelsus wasn't expecting was the comment on their "unique" bond. Hm. How much do you know, Kam?] I didn't realize he was telling people about that already.
Stockroom, about a minute ago. It was behaving oddly, almost like it wasn't used to its body.
[Having firsthand experience with that, it's pretty easy for him to recognize-]
My guess is it doesn't have the instinct to know where to escape to either, so I'm certain it's still in here. Since I'm already in here, I can help block the door for you. Ma'am.
You smell of it. And now, you have given me the answer to a question I have been pondering over. You are very bad at negotiations, Baby Boy. You need to get better if you want to survive here.
But we shall see what to make of you.
Yes. Yes that is the little thing I am missing. A true fool. A feline has no lords or masters. He should have known not to test me.
Block the door with that big lug of a form you call a body. I will be in shortly.
[Bad at negotiations?! Answered a question?! He thought his text was rather simple, surely he didn't give away THAT much information?!
...r-right?]
What did I just do?
[This cat.
She fucking terrifies him.
Which is exactly why he stays in the room, keeping an eye on Kamora's lost prey and making sure it doesn't scurry off somewhere. Poor fool. This is why he stuck to text, no need to let whoever this is know what he's doing.]
Eh. You’re calling me a boar because I’m strong right? That’s cool! I just call it like I see it
Ah, that’s okay! I can heal from stuff like that, I had my head chopped up once. It sucked. Bullet in my head, half my body blown up.. people are assholes
See, I don’t like using names if I don’t get them from the person myself. Kamora, then! Badass name for a badass cat. I’m Noi but you can give me a cool nickname too if you wanna
"Cool" is not the word I would use. You really do not understand, do you, Chuck?
Is that so. Oh, how I would enjoy a fight between you and Fuck Boy so very much. It is unfortunate he has rules. A dense homunculus is as good as a dense man, but our bargain is. Acceptable.
Will you fight in my ring? Will you bleed and lose your head and tear them apart for me? Will you show me all that you are made of Tenderloin? If so, I may forgive your past transgressions.
You will be Chuck or Tenderloin to me. Wear it well. I have decided it for you, and so it shall be.
I am looking forward to your answer. About your fight. However, should you be so inclined to seek me out in the future DO NOT WASTE MY TIME m̶̲͗e̷͇̋a̶̪̅ť̶̹ ̷̬̀s̸͇̍u̷̬͑i̶̛̳t̷͈̿ and remember to speak quickly.
Heh. That just means we gotta fight when the doors close, I won’t hurt him that bad. If I do, I’ll just heal him.
I don’t wanna piss you off and I like fighting. I’ll do it! But if I win ten battles, you let me touch your belly. You guys like deals, yeah? If I lose, what do you want?
Hey, I’ve been called worse. I’ll take it! I like meat anyhow
[ oh snap, she could feel that murderous intent through the phone! does it make her pump the brakes? absolutely not. ]
Oh shit, I felt that through the phone! You’re gonna get my blood pumping
That is a trait the two of you share. Like cockroaches, it seems. It would be amusing.
Yes, well, you have barely begun to "piss me off" as you put it. You have irritated me. Little more. But do ⱤɆ₥Ɇ₥฿ɆⱤ ɎØɄⱤ ₱Ⱡ₳₵Ɇ.
If that is your wager, then I suppose I would be a fool to refuse. I will smile when your teeth shatter upon my bars. I will watch with glee as your body comes back together, only to be torn apart again and again. I will look at you upon high when your blood soaks my floors, and you will have asked for it.
You are a flatterer. No Alastor, mind. But I will consider these a token that you will not come to test me.
Holidays are for the sentimental. I am not sentimental, nor will I ever be. But an exchange is an exchange, and it would not be equivalent if I did not offer one in return, would it, Little Turtle Dove.
And since I am feeling charitable to your otherwise meaningless status, I will let you decide when to use it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
➥ KAMORA'S LINE
[Why are you calling/texting the cat? What possessed you to do this? Ah well. Your funeral.]
[Anyway, the outgoing message is just a lot of drumming:]
-.-- . ... / -- . .- - ... .- -.-. -.- ..--..
text. i just think this is funny. help.
Anyway! Tuna or salmon?
➥ Text we hit the fuck it button on a thursday
[Talking is not her game. But texting?]
Well if it isn't the bleeder. All your organs where they should be?
I do not care for most names.
You have my attention. For now. Both. But if I must make a choice.
Salmon. Not the garbage from the store. Not the trash they have down here. Upstairs salmon.
no subject
I wouldn't offer if I didn't intend to bring the good stuff! I just thought since I invaded the space the other day and might be doing it more later, I could bring something by.
no subject
Yes. Finest. And what would you have in return? The door is open. He leaves it open. They wander in and stay. That is how it is and I have learned there is nothing to stop it.
So, I will ask you once. What is it you want? He calls it an Equivalent Exchange. A law of alchemy.
If it is nothing, then you make your bed and sleep in it. And I will expect you to leave it at that.
no subject
Equivalent exchange?
[ he thinks about it. he does. then: ]
I'm a nosy guy. I like to know things. You spill the Nest tea on the regular, you get the best of the best from upstairs when I come to visit.
[ it's not a lot, but it's also just bringing her fish. it's no skin off his nose even though he can't just magic food out of nowhere here. ]
no subject
That is an easy deal. How very simple of you. So it shall be. You get one ask first. More once you deliver.
Which do you want to know? The things here? I can list them by the names they have chosen for themselves. They think I do not see or know what they do. Unfortunate for them. A bounty for you.
Or the Sinnerman himself?
no subject
[ oh, he needs to be normal about this.
he does not need to be normal about this, he realizes, so he's going to be insane about it instead: ]
Start with him. Dealer's choice of what it is.
no subject
[A lot. Buckle up, fuckos.]
Perhaps I shall have to make one. A special occasion.
There are these patterns on him. They are called arrays. They are red and if you have not noticed them by now, you are either more dense than I realized or blind.
Two of his have discovered what they do when pushed a certain way. A dangerous thing, but they brought it upon themselves. They connect to directly to his Philosopher's Stone. Like a circuit. Do you know what happens when you overload a circuit? Tits sure did not.
Do an experiment sometime. But watch your throat.
text; I crave catte
[Listen.
A demon cat who turns people into rodents just to eat them is a terrifying thing. Paracelsus ain't about to become a replacement.]
CAT SCRATCH FEVER IT IS
You are the new arms of the operation. Interesting that you and him have bonded in such a unique way.
Yes I did. How very thoughtful of you. Perhaps you are not as stupid as the rest of them.
Which backroom and when, Baby Boy.
no subject
...is that what you call Greed? [Knowing him, he probably gets a kick out of his nickname. What Paracelsus wasn't expecting was the comment on their "unique" bond. Hm. How much do you know, Kam?] I didn't realize he was telling people about that already.
Stockroom, about a minute ago. It was behaving oddly, almost like it wasn't used to its body.
[Having firsthand experience with that, it's pretty easy for him to recognize-]
My guess is it doesn't have the instinct to know where to escape to either, so I'm certain it's still in here. Since I'm already in here, I can help block the door for you. Ma'am.
no subject
You smell of it. And now, you have given me the answer to a question I have been pondering over. You are very bad at negotiations, Baby Boy. You need to get better if you want to survive here.
But we shall see what to make of you.
Yes. Yes that is the little thing I am missing. A true fool. A feline has no lords or masters. He should have known not to test me.
Block the door with that big lug of a form you call a body. I will be in shortly.
no subject
...r-right?]
What did I just do?
[This cat.
She fucking terrifies him.
Which is exactly why he stays in the room, keeping an eye on Kamora's lost prey and making sure it doesn't scurry off somewhere. Poor fool. This is why he stuck to text, no need to let whoever this is know what he's doing.]
how did she get this number? who knows
Hey, is this that bald ass cat?
filing kitty cat claws like
[Ok, no, she is.]
I will give you a moment, a brief moment mind, to reevaluate your word choice. Do you address all as such? With the eloquence of a boar?
I have a title. One that would split your ears in two and make what little is left of your skull boil like a kettle.
As such, I have been given a name. Names do suit your kind, do they not? You may call me by it. Kamora.
I am to assume you are Sausage Links. Meat Stack. But Chuck Eye seems far more appropriate.
What do you want?
s-so badass, let her get you a drink madam
Eh. You’re calling me a boar because I’m strong right? That’s cool! I just call it like I see it
Ah, that’s okay! I can heal from stuff like that, I had my head chopped up once. It sucked. Bullet in my head, half my body blown up.. people are assholes
See, I don’t like using names if I don’t get them from the person myself. Kamora, then! Badass name for a badass cat. I’m Noi but you can give me a cool nickname too if you wanna
Shit. I forgot what I was gonna ask
no subject
Is that so. Oh, how I would enjoy a fight between you and Fuck Boy so very much. It is unfortunate he has rules. A dense homunculus is as good as a dense man, but our bargain is. Acceptable.
Will you fight in my ring? Will you bleed and lose your head and tear them apart for me? Will you show me all that you are made of Tenderloin? If so, I may forgive your past transgressions.
You will be Chuck or Tenderloin to me. Wear it well. I have decided it for you, and so it shall be.
I am looking forward to your answer. About your fight. However, should you be so inclined to seek me out in the future DO NOT WASTE MY TIME m̶̲͗e̷͇̋a̶̪̅ť̶̹ ̷̬̀s̸͇̍u̷̬͑i̶̛̳t̷͈̿ and remember to speak quickly.
no subject
I don’t wanna piss you off and I like fighting. I’ll do it! But if I win ten battles, you let me touch your belly. You guys like deals, yeah? If I lose, what do you want?
Hey, I’ve been called worse. I’ll take it! I like meat anyhow
[ oh snap, she could feel that murderous intent through the phone! does it make her pump the brakes? absolutely not. ]
Oh shit, I felt that through the phone! You’re gonna get my blood pumping
CW: illustrative mentions of gore, teeth horror
Yes, well, you have barely begun to "piss me off" as you put it. You have irritated me. Little more. But do ⱤɆ₥Ɇ₥฿ɆⱤ ɎØɄⱤ ₱Ⱡ₳₵Ɇ.
If that is your wager, then I suppose I would be a fool to refuse. I will smile when your teeth shatter upon my bars. I will watch with glee as your body comes back together, only to be torn apart again and again. I will look at you upon high when your blood soaks my floors, and you will have asked for it.
For my stomach.
Īⱦ īꞩ ⱥ đēⱥł, Tenderloin.
Christmas—
I’m well aware that this might be unnecessary, but I thought it suited you nonetheless. Happy Holidays, Kamora.
- M. ]
no subject
Holidays are for the sentimental. I am not sentimental, nor will I ever be. But an exchange is an exchange, and it would not be equivalent if I did not offer one in return, would it, Little Turtle Dove.
And since I am feeling charitable to your otherwise meaningless status, I will let you decide when to use it.